Exodus International - The Plans He Had

“For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you... for your welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome” (AB, Jer. 29.11).

I was born a miracle child. I am the only child, out of six, that my mother was able to carry full term and successfully deliver. My mother had Toxemia, and most of her pregnancies ended during the sixth or seventh month. I believe the adversary had it out for me even before I got here.

I was raised in a Christian home primarily by my mother. I had significant problems bonding with my father. My dad had his son, but I was not the son that he wanted. I was not good at sports, and my dad was a sports-a-holic. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I played little league baseball for 3 years and hated every minute of it. It was the same with most sports. I was good at the arts and music; unfortunately, my dad would not have any part of that. He never supported any of the activities I was involved in; yet, he found time to go to my next-door neighbor’s and best friend’s football games.

Many factors led to a significant lack of self-esteem. Teased incessantly at school by all of the boys, I was called “sissy” and “fag” on a regular basis. Our neighborhood was predominately white and most of my friends were also white. As the neighborhood became more integrated, the African-American kids rejected me, because they felt like I was a sellout. Not only did my peers ridicule me, but my father secretly began telling my mother that I was a “punk.”

Thank God that at the age of nine I personally accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at a Katherine Kuhlman meeting in Los Angeles at the Shrine Auditorium. I loved the Lord, and at the age of ten I preached my first sermon in children’s church. However, we began attending a new church that had started in the area. The pastor was single and was very interested in my mother, a single mom. It later came out that he was really attempting to gain access to me. Eventually he did, and for a year and a half he molested me. I was terrified and could not even think of telling my mother since she was interested in him. I prayed daily for God to rescue me from the abuse. It was so confusing: even though I didn’t like the abuse, my body responded as though I did. Eventually, God answered my prayers and the church folded; the pastor moved on to some other city, but the damage was done. I never spoke a word of this to anyone until I was 25 years old. I was tormented by this abuse throughout my childhood years.

By the time I was 16, I was deep into homosexual pornography and habitual masturbation. I was still trying to resist my feelings, because I knew homosexuality was an abomination to God. However, I had my first sexual experience with a man at the age of 17. The fire was ignited, but I still tried to fight. At the age of 19, I gave up and chose to fully embrace the homosexual lifestyle. I felt so free: finally men accepted me. Little did I know that these feelings of freedom would eventually turn into ones of bondage. I acted out in every way imaginable. Still, deep down inside, I believed that what I was doing was wrong.

I medicated my wounds and loneliness with alcohol, drugs and sex, but I had a praying mother who never gave up on me. She desperately prayed I would change. I never thought change was possible because I believed I had committed the unforgivable sin of homosexuality. In 1995, I finally hit rock bottom. I was part of the "A" crowd. I had everything: my own home, a great career and a nice car. However, one thing still escaped me: a long-term relationship with a man. I know now that I was really craving an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and the male affirmation I failed to receive from my father. I was miserable, so I figured that there must be something wrong with me, and I began seeing a non-Christian therapist. God used this therapist to speak these words to me: “You need to surrender.” I was so outdone: here was this non-Christian therapist telling me to surrender.

Later that year God had a plan for me. God does have a sense of humor though. A friend of mine talked me into having a Tupperware party. The next thing I knew I was selling colored, plastic bowls to women at parties. But through Tupperware, I met a true friend and a mighty woman of God. Rita told me that the Lord said I was her “project.” She knew I was homosexual, but she kept insisting that God loved me and wanted to forgive me. I told her that that was impossible because I had committed the abomination of homosexuality, an unforgivable sin. She prayed with me. She set me straight, helping me know and understand that forgiveness and change were possible. She knew nothing about an ex-gay movement, but she knew Jesus and His power to heal and forgive. She told me that God showed me to her in a dream married and with children of my own. This was impossible for me to see at this point, but I told her that I could at least have faith in her faith.

From there I got connected with a local church and began to renew and re-cultivate my relationship with the Lord. He, through His Word and prayer, walked me out of homosexuality. I knew nothing about Exodus or any other ex-gay ministry, but He spoke to me and gently helped me mature in Him. I began to experience joy and peace like never before. I was so overjoyed to be in right relationship with Him. At that time I believed I was called to remain single. I was sold out and on fire for God, but He wasn’t finished yet.

On April 12, 1997, I met a wonderful woman from my church at a friend’s house. We all went to a Kirk Franklin concert together, and I got to spend some time with this beautiful princess named Sara. We exchanged numbers and began talking. However, for the first three weeks of our relationship, I did not know that she was interested in me in “that” way. When I found out through my friend, I was ready to run for the hills! I felt I had way too much baggage for this woman, but the Lord spoke quietly to me and said, “Stand still. I am trying to bless you. Don’t move forward; don’t run; just stand still.” Somehow I was able to stand still even though I was terrified and shaking in my boots, and our friendship blossomed into a beautiful, godly relationship. Everyone kept telling me, “This is your wife,” but I just couldn’t fathom this. All my friends said I had been totally different since I met Sara. I told them that if God meant for Sara to be my wife, I would have to hear it directly from God Himself. I kept asking God, “But why? I never even asked you for this.” God reminded me that this had always been His plan for me; I was the one who had veered off course. He gave me the scripture found in Ephesians 3:20: “Now unto him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could think or ask, according to the power that worketh within us.” Sara and I were engaged on April 12th 1998, one year from the day we met, and we were married on October 24, 1998. That day was one of the best days of my life; I remember the joy on my mother’s face.

Now Sara and I minister together at our church to those that are struggling with homosexuality. I could not imagine my life without her: she is my best friend and number one support. She is truly my Ephesians 3:20.

I thank God for the faithful prayers of my mother, Othell Mitchell, who went home to be with the Lord in November of 2001. She never gave up on me and stayed on her face before the Lord for my salvation. She hated the sin in my life but continued to love the sinner. She never rejected me. My relationship with my father has grown by leaps and bounds, and on my wedding day he told me how proud he was of me. Parents please don’t give up; GOD will answer your prayers and deliver your child as well!

Today I am Victorious Overcomer, because the Word says, “And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony” (Rev. 12.11). Today I am a heterosexual man and a child of God who is married to a godly woman. My marriage is not a badge of healing but evidence of God’s continued healing work in my life.

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Marcus resides in Elk Grove, CA with his wife, Sara, and attends Harvest Church. They minister together in the Sacramento area.

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