|
|
Receive free info!  |
|
“I have wanted to talk to you about how I felt about your being gay for a long time, but the timing hasn’t been right. I didn’t know what to say without getting angrier or getting into an argument with you. I told Mom that God would find the time and the place, as well as give me the words to say. That time is now."
I stood at the door of Room 842, Methodist Central Hospital, in Memphis, not knowing what to expect. Mike, my youngest son, answered my knock. Each time that my wife and I had gone to visit him in the hospital, it brought back the memory of that day in May of 1994 when the doctor told us that Mike was in the advanced stages of AIDS. The doctor told his mother that Mike probably had three to six months to live.
This time there were only two infusions (or as I had always called them, IV’s) attached to him. I noticed that he had already eaten his supper. We asked each other how we were doing. He said that his temperature was down and that the doctor was going to run some tests the next day. After that he could go back home.
We continued to talk a little and I looked at my watch and noticed that it was just past five o’clock. I slid my chair close to the bed and said, “Son, we need to talk.” Mike looked at me and said, “Great.”
“Mike,” I told him, “I have to tell you things that you won’t like to hear, but I have had them building for the last six years. Some of what I have to tell you is a result of anger, hurt, bitterness and disappointment towards you. But God has replaced all that with a new love for you.”
I continued: “I have wanted to talk to you about how I felt about your being gay for a long time, but the timing hasn’t been right. I didn’t know what to say without getting angrier or getting into an argument with you. I told Mom that God would find the time and the place, as well as give me the words to say. That time is now.
“Son, I can remember coming home one Saturday from work, finding your Mother sitting on the couch in almost a nervous breakdown. She asked me to sit down, explaining that she had some terrible news to tell me. She asked me if I remembered the man that you were going to work for in Houston. I said yes. She told me that both of you came by earlier in the day to tell us good-bye at the end of your business trip. During the conversation, Bob said that we had been exceptionally nice to him, unlike the parents of his other lovers.
“At this point Mom said that she had to go into the bedroom to regain her composure. While in there, she heard you tell Bob that he should not have told her about your being gay because we didn’t know anything about it. Mom returned and talked to both of you concerning what God had to say about homosexuality and how we felt about it.
“Son, this was a lot to dump on your Mother. You had no intentions of listening to what she had to say. All you wanted to do was to get out of there.
“My mind was spinning with unanswered questions and concerns after she told me this news. The embarrassment of this getting out was more than either one of us could handle at that time. We were crushed, to say the least. How would we tell your brothers and their wives, your grandmothers, friends?
“As parents, we all have dreams for our children. These had been wiped out. Mike, to say that I was angry, hurt and mad would have been an understatement. Had you and Bob been there when I got home, I really don’t know what would have happened.
“We prayed that God would guide us in our decisions in telling anyone about your homosexuality. We decided not to tell anyone. We didn’t think that any of the family was ready for such an announcement. Your Mother and I let this build up inside of us for some six years. We knew of no ministries or groups that could help us.
“Then, in May of 1994, the bottom fell out of our lives. You called one night to tell us that you were going to the emergency room at Methodist Central Hospital. You thought that you had pneumonia and could get treatment for it. The doctors and nurses would not tell us anything for almost a week. Then came that dreaded diagnosis that you had AIDS and probably only three to six months to live.
“There was no holding back the news. Your oldest brother was there when the doctor told you and your Mother. I think that you had already guessed part of the diagnosis, but at that time the diagnosis was quite a surprise to us. John being there lessened the burden of telling the family. But I can still see David reeling from the news. Your niece, Emily, couldn’t control her tears and cried wherever she went. Tears flowed; prayers were prayed.
“The church knew something was wrong. We as a family went before the church to tell them and ask for their prayers. Being a small church in a rural community, we took a big chance, but the spirit of Christ came through His people there.
“During this time we moved you in with us. You were our son and we loved you regardless of your homosexuality. You needed the love and care that you could only get at home. Little did we know what this would bring on.
“John’s family living next door would present a situation that we didn’t foresee. After hearing so many contradictory theories on the spreading of the virus, John would not allow Tyler to come over to our home without either John or Alisa with him. I asked John if this meant that he didn't trust us enough to let our grandson come over. He said no, they just couldn't take a chance that something would happen. I still feel the separation of our family in this.
“All of this added together was almost too much to handle. But God was at work without us really knowing it. What we didn’t know was that John was about to lose his job at the hospital where he worked and find work in another city, removing them out of harms way.
“Also, you had suggested that your Mother and I go for counseling at one of two different groups that you knew of. We looked into these groups and found that they did not support our beliefs concerning homosexuality. But, by God’s provision, Mom was listening to WCRV radio station one afternoon when she heard an interview with a staff member from Love In Action. We have attended three of their meetings and found a support group of parents, friends and loved ones sharing their burdens concerning their loved ones in the gay lifestyle. God has found us a support group we could look eye to eye, reach out and touch, cry and pray with.
“Mike, I want you to know that I love you and I will do anything in my power to make things easier for you. I only ask that you ask God for forgiveness and to heal you if it is His will.”
I looked at my watch and found that three hours had passed since we first started talking. During this time, not one nurse had been in, not one visitor had knocked on the door, and there had not been one phone call. God had surely picked out this time for us to talk. Mike had shared a few things that he thought I had done to him he thought were wrong at the time, but he said that in looking back he knew that his perspective was wrong. We finished our talk by telling each other that we loved each other and praying together.
All of this happened in October of 1995. We were in and out of the hospital five or six more times in the next ten months. Mike passed away on July 12, 1996. I give God the praise for those extra two years we had with our son.
On the Saturday night before the funeral services were to be held, Linda and I stood at Mike’s casket with two young lady friends of Mike. One had a little plastic bag with her that had a little gold angel pin in it. She asked if she could pin the angel on his shirt. We both told her that it was all right. When she finished pinning the angel on him, both young ladies stepped back and put their arms around us and said, “Thank you for continuing to love Mike. So many parents, when they find out about their son or daughter, stop loving them.”
We found out several days later that this young lady had visited Mike at his apartment and had asked him why God didn’t answer prayers. Mike asked her if she had ever asked God to come into her heart and save her. She said, “No.” He then told her that was the reason why. She also asked Mike about his salvation. He told her that he knew that he was a sinner and had asked God to forgive him. He told her that he knew God had forgiven him and that he would go to heaven. She shared with us later that as a result of this time with Mike she had indeed asked God to come into her heart and save her. She knew that he had. She joined a local church and was baptized.
I look back over things that have happened in the last few years and see that God can use us even when we are sick and dying. I think that the turning point in our lives was when we both realized that God always knew that we were going to be the parents of a homosexual son. He would give us the strength and guidance to see the victory in our lives. No matter how hard we as parents or loved ones try, we cannot change our loved one to what we want them to be. Only they can do this through the help of the Holy Spirit.
Additional Information:
Any inquiries regarding this story should be made to Love In Action at 901-767-6700 or info@loveinaction.org.
|
|
| |
|
|
