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Rodney was Gay, and God Loved Him Anyway |
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Hi, I am Rodney's sister, and I loved him very much.
I was the oldest of a family of nine children. There was eighteen years difference from oldest to youngest. Rodney was nine years younger than I, which placed him about in the middle. I have heard it said that middle children lack for the attention they need. In a family the size of ours, it was easy to be overlooked no matter what number you were.
Being the oldest, I was given a lot of responsibility in the home, especially since seven of the nine were boys, and my parents were a little old fashioned about "woman's" work. I became a mother figure to most of my siblings. I wasn't allowed to discipline them---the Lord knows we all got more than our share of that anyway---but I could love them, and receive love from them in return. Like one lost for days in a desert without water, I lapped up the special love that only little children can give so openly and honestly to those they truly trust.
Rodney had some health problems that meant he got more of my individual attention than did the others. When he was seven years old he was vomiting blood---inflammation of the stomach, the Dr. said. He was put on a very strict diet for awhile. I loved, nurtured and nursed him.
When Rodney was nine, I got married. Rodney became totally unmanageable for my parents. No matter how much they beat him, he wouldn't conform. They kept sending him to stay with me for longer and longer periods of time. While with me, Rodney never had any outbursts of temper. We loved and respected each other, and though I was older, I pretty much treated him like an equal. He, like most of us, craved love and acceptance.
When Rodney was about sixteen, he told me he was gay. My love for him never wavered. I was not a Christian at the time, so I did not know that Rodney's homosexuality could keep him out of the kingdom of God. After my divorce from my children's father, Rodney and I used to go to the fast food place near where we lived, and watch the cute guys go by. I guess you could say we were like "sisters".
Then when I was about thirty five, I repented and accepted the Truth of who Christ is, and began the journey down the narrow path that leads to the kingdom of God. Praise the Lord---He loved me in spite of all that had gone on in my life before, and there was much to forgive.
Over the years, as is often the case with siblings, we had drifted apart---gone our separate ways, he in one part of the state, and I in another. When I became a Christian the separation was a little wider---not because we loved each other any less---but just because our lives were so different. When we did see each other or speak on the phone, I would witness to him in so far as he was receptive. The Lord showed me early on that if a person isn't receptive, it doesn't do any good to push them. It is only a heart that has been prepared by the Holy Spirit that can receive Truth.
Then when Rodney was thirty six, I got a call from him. He wanted to know what you have to do to get into heaven. I asked him if he believed that the Bible is 100% true, and he said he did. Then I told him he just needed to confess to God that he is a sinner---I told him we all are---and ask God to deliver him from sin in the name of Jesus. I told him that Jesus came and died for us for our sin.
To my surprise--and great joy---Rodney repented, and accepted Christ right over the phone. At that point I wondered if I should speak to Rodney about the homosexuality, but I clearly sensed the Spirit telling me to wait. That was perfectly fine with me; I had no desire to tell him what the Word of God has to say on the subject anyway. Rodney was very protective and VOCAL about his right to be gay, and insisted he was born that way. Needless to say, I was more than happy to step aside and allow God to use someone else for this task.
Over the next couple of years we saw each other four or five times, and spoke on the phone a few dozen times, and I sent him some Christian literature.
One day, nearly two years after his call asking about how to get to heaven, he called me and asked me if homosexuals can go to heaven. Boy did I try to sidestep that question, all the while telling God how I thought He was going to have someone else speak to Rodney on this subject.
I told Rodney he could find the answer in the Bible. He asked why I couldn't just tell him: I told him it's better if he reads it for himself. He said, "You know, so why don't you just tell me?" So, I braced myself for the blow up of the century, and told him what God's Word says ie. "A man or a woman is not to depart from that which is natural, and turn to that which is against nature. If a man lies with a man it is an abomination to the Lord. Those who commit such things are worthy of death---they shall not inherit the kingdom of God".. (ICo.6:9-10; Ro.1:26-28,32; Lev.18:22; 20:13)
Sometimes, when we might think our faith is at it's greatest, the Lord shows us how small it truly is. God had already sent Someone to speak to Rodney about the homosexuality. When Rodney repented, and accepted God's Word as 100% Truth, and asked for deliverance, the Spirit of Truth entered Rodney's heart, and began a work in him that could never have been accomplished by mere man.
It is a Godly sorrow that saves souls. If I had told Rodney that homosexuality is a sin (without the Spirit leading), he might have tried to change his lifestyle for me. It was crucial for Rodney to come to a knowledge of the Truth through conviction by the Holy Spirit. My words would have been only empty words that cannot save; but through Rodney's acceptance of conviction by the Holy Spirit, God's Words came to life in his heart, and they brought life to his spirit.
Through my words, Rodney may have somehow been able to clean up the outside of the cup---He may have been able to make it look like he was a Christian, but true circumcism is of the heart, and only the Spirit of Truth can cleanse the heart. Once the heart is convinced of the Truth, the flesh will follow.
The Holy Spirit convicted---convinced Rodney that he is a sinner, just as we all are. In the two years from the time Rodney accepted God's Word as Truth until he asked me if homosexuals can go to heaven, the Holy Spirit worked a miracle of repentance in his heart and mind---And He surely didn't need my help. I just praise Him and thank Him for allowing me to see the work He alone can do in the hearts of repentant people.
When the Spirit led Rodney to the Truth, there was no explosion as I had expected, no anger, not even any excuses; He just simply asked me; "What can I do about it??" I told him he just needs to confess to God that he knows the homosexuality is a sin, and ask God to deliver him from it. I told him if he truly believes, then God will get the job done.
Again, to my surprise, Rodney didn't seem to need any time to think it over: It was as if his decision had already been made---and I'm sure on some level it probably was. As Scripture says; "If you confess me before men, I will confess you before my Father". (Mt.10:32) Even if Rodney wasn't conscious of it, he was being obedient to the Word of God---even though he had only read a few bits and pieces of the Bible, the Holy Spirit directed him.
And so again, right over the phone, my brother---who had truly become my brother--confessed that homosexuality is a sin, and asked God to deliver him from it. Rodney went on to confess that he had a very high sex drive and so wished God would just make him so he couldn't have sex.
A couple of months after that Rodney called me early one morning, and he was very sick. (Rodney had severe asthma, as well as a number of other health problems. He was on inhalers, plus steroids for the asthma that, of course, contributed to the other health problems). I convinced him to go up to the hospital where they ran some tests and said he had pneumonia. It was bad, and they said they wanted to put a tube in his throat to help him breathe. Naturally he was scared.
Because it was cytomegloviral pneumonia, and because he was gay, the natural assumption was that he had A.I.D.S. He called me and told me they thought he had this dread disease, and we cried together. He was so scared, and told me he didn't want to die. I felt so inadequate--All I could say was that he wouldn't die until God got him ready. Though in my flesh, I felt inadequate, the words I spoke were Truth----Preparation for our journey into God's kingdom begins the moment we accept God's Word as total Truth, and the process continues as long as we live.
Rodney decided to allow them to put the tube in his throat. We didn't realize that once they did that he would no longer be able to speak. For the first couple of weeks they kept him so doped up they said he wouldn't know anyone.
Boy, was Rodneys' prayer ever being answered!! He was being delivered (physically) from homosexuality, his heartfelt plea that God make it so he couldn't have sex wasn't going unanswered. He was certainly in no condition---or place---to have sex. (In a spiritual sense, Rodney was cleansed of all unrighteousness the day He accepted God's Word as 100% Truth, and asked Jesus to come into his heart and deliver him.)
After Rodney accepted the Truth of God's Word, the Holy Spirit convinced Rodney that homosexuality is sin. God didn't make Rodney sick, he already had serious health problems. That may be why he was so desperate to get right with God. Since he was so sick, I believe God used the illness as an answer to Rodney's prayer for (physical) deliverance.
They tested Rodney three different times for A.I.D.S. while he was in the hospital. The tests were all negative. His roommate of fifteen years was terrified that he would have it also if Rodney had it, so I called and spoke to Rodney's doctor who assured me that he did not have it. At least he was spared the slow torture of dying from A.I.D.S.
Rodney had been in the hospital for nearly a month. We were told that soon he would probably be taken to a nursing home where he would very likely be on a breathing machine for the rest of his life. This was not something he would have liked very much, but then who would?
My phone conversation with Rodney just prior to the insertion of the breathing tube turned out to be our last----at least in this life. On January 7, 1993, a vein in Rodney's neck burst, and I truly believe God's angels met my brother Rodney at death's door and carried him into Abraham's bosom where he is peacefully asleep (dead) "in Christ" awaiting the resurrection of the just when Christ returns for His children. (Lk.16:22; I Co.15:21-23; I Thes.4:16)
Rodney would want me to tell his story of repentance, because he would want everyone everywhere to know that not a single one of us is good enough, on our own, to enter the kingdom of God. But he would also want it broadcast, to all who will listen, that there isn't a single one of us so bad that God can't save us----if we believe and receive His deliverance (Truth).
Additional Information:
Copyright 2001, Ava. Posted by permission of the author. |
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